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August 17, 2006
Storm Shadow
The concept of “one of those days” is universally recognized. If there were an Audubon guide to days, the entry for “one of those” would be prominent. It would be odd if this term covered the only universal human experience.
Woke up two days ago, went to the kitchen and promptly spent half an hour crawling back to my room. A sadist apparently got me in the lumbar vertebrae with a screwdriver. He just jammed it into one of the spinous processes and twisted. Now I know what my ceilings look like.
This is bad because I’m supposed to fly to Singapore on Monday. Prior to the flight I am supposed to put everything that I own into storage. It would be easier if I could reach down and pick something/ anything up off of the floor but I can’t. I can bend over and paw at it but the effect is like one of those “select your prize” glassbox crane machines that is never able to get the stuffed animal. I’m also running out of quarters.
The flight to Singapore involves a 12 hour layover in London, at Heathrow. The security measures have reportedly eased over the last week but I’ve received conflicting advice about leaving the airport and touring London before returning in the evening. It would be nice to see a museum or a gallery or run around acting like a chav until I’m taken down by the flying squad. On the other hand, it will take forever to get back through security with my collection of Franklin Mint Gi-Joe Commemorative Plates. I’m really only worried about the "Snake Eyes", "Storm Shadow" (both of whom are ninjas) and "Spirit Iron Knife" plates. Spirit Iron Knife is a bit of a Native American Miami Vice character: Miami Vice because of the clothes, Native American because of the headband and face paint. He also carries a compound bow. If I were him, I might feel a bit shafted. His friend Heavy Duty gets a plasma cannon. “Yeah, just wait up guys... I see that you have been unable to take down Cobra Commander’s monstrous killer robot with your plasma cannon… Thankfully I have this compound bow”
To this day, I’m not sure why GI Joe went through a ninja phase—I always saw the ninja figurines as the ones that you could place in a dark corner and ignore. That way, when one of your friends has your character surrounded and is on his way to deliver a mind numbing beat down you could remind him about the ninjas who were still lurking around the periphery of the room. “Where are they?” he'd say. You'd look around but you would have forgotten where you placed them. “They are…watching,” you'd say, “…watching… and waiting…” When he is asleep that night you would plan to sneak into his house and stab him in the head with Storm Shadow’s sword. You never would. His mom wouldn't allow you in after 10pm.
Maybe I’m biased. I see ninjas as the stenographers of the espionage world. Strangely, they look much more scary on commemorative plates.
Jibber Jabberin | By jb | 08:04 AM