« Darth Vader's Demise As Understood in the Context of a Box of General Mills Cereal, Interpreted by the Head Investigator of the Parnassus, NJ Police Force | Main | Suggested answers to the question “What was that?” just asked by an 8 year old camping out in his own tent for the first time on a family trip in the Maine Woods »
March 27, 2006
Puppykat: A Day In The Life
6:30 AM: Wake up, go to Ellen’s bed, wag tail, try to make “huff huff” sound again. Leap on to bed and breathe in face.
7:30 AM: Quit breathing in face, leap off bed. Try barking. Moment of conflict. Whine.
8:30 AM: Eat breakfast. Watch Ellen struggle to eat bowl of cereal while putting on hose. Remind her about being let out.
8:38 AM: Ellen is looking for phone, then keys, still need to be let out. Go fetch toy and put in front of her feet. Maybe she wants to play. Walk in circles. This worked last time. Listen to Ellen yell about litter box. Look at her. Still need to be let out.
8:40 AM to 2:00 PM: Go to bathroom on carpet, sleep, watch sidewalk outside of window. Wait for birds to land on the parked cars. Wag tail when other cats pass nearby.
2:00 PM to 5:00 PM: Soul crushing existential crisis.
6:00 PM: Ellen comes home. Yells about litter box. Get let out. Take favorite chew toy on walk.
From
Less Successful Episodes of
Crossing Over with John Edward
Episode # 158: Ghost of Financial advisor communicates out of date bond portfolio recommendations to audience member who has switched financial brokers
Episode #326: Now departed Auntie Jess attempts to connect with cat, Mittens, only to find that animals are not allowed in studio
Episode #328: Dead Member of local Vietnamese gang delivers message threatening to “cap” audience member for snitching
Episode #399: Ghost of Secretary of Transportation attempts to deliver message on benefits of carpooling to disinterested audience
Episode #426: John Edward is temporarily possessed by Thetans who try to sell E-Meter technology to audience
Circumspect Taste | By jb | 06:46 AM