Double Hamster on The Rocks

Boston is waking up. If I were in the South End now, I’d see businessmen and businesswomen ambling to their cars in order to start an early commute to the tech companies on the outskirts of the city. If I were in the suburbs, living close to a highway, I’d notice that traffic was getting heavy. I’ve just checked the traffic cam at the intersection of Storrow and Memorial drives and the cars, not packed together yet, are already slowing down.

When I think about this, I imagine the old fashioned films where a body is revived from a cryogenic state. First a trickle of blood (a car or two) is used to test out the cell structure in the central organs. Gradually more blood and warmth are introduced. Doctors listen, hesitant… a heartbeat! First one eye opens, and then the other. Later the body—in this case Miss Wilkins, elementary school teacher—will go on to cannibalize several prominent members of the neighborhood hike-and-knit club before being brought down by the remaining member of a group of spunky teenagers. Just like the parking system in downtown Boston.

America has the largest highway system in the world. It is apparently visible from the moon, or it would be if my plans to paint the roof of each car bright orange ever came through. The US Interstate Highway System 40 Year Report tells us that Each year, nearly one trillion person miles are carried on the interstate highway system --- a figure equal to providing trips around the world for 37 million people --- more people than live in Pennsylvania, Illinois, and Ohio combined. In its 40 years, more than 17 trillion person miles have been traveled over the interstate highway system. The report goes on to list several comparative statistics but I’m drawn to only one: this is the equivalent of 3 light years of travel, ¾ of the way to Alpha Centauri.

There have been 830 interstate highways and highway spurs in American history. The last, Highway 830, ran from Maryhill, WA to Johnson’s Landing. While it was supposed to be a spur, it never actually connected to US 30, which runs from Atlantic City, NJ to Astoria, Oregon. 830 was up and running from 1926 to 1968. I’m not sure what happened in 1968. Maybe there was a meteor. Only the small mammalian highways survived.

So how many of the original highways are still used to capacity? On the East Coast, Route 1 has changed dramatically in the advent of Interstate 95. Now more people wind their way between Boston and New York along the Merrit Parkway than Route 1. The Merrit is narrow and plagued by numerous on ramps but at least it does not have all of those traffic lights. Think of all the Route 1 business bets that fell through as traffic shuffled away and the high end retail stores were slowly replaced by chain restaurants which were replaced by lower end video stores, strip joints, and twenty dollar motels.

Dozens of highways have suffered a similar fate. These are the first generation highways, whose maps have been removed from the glove compartment and relegated to coffee mugs and highway museum t-shirts. These are the American version of the Roman roads that led through Europe and the Middle East.

Eventually, these highways will pile on top of each other, disappearing under a load of interchanges, a pile of spilled coins on a sidewalk. Eventually, satellite photos of the highway system will reveal unintended images. In one section, the Nazca lines will reappear, in another section, a bas relief image of the Great Gatsby. Our cultural memory, our Jungian archetypes won’t be found in the morass of our library system or in the internet, they will be carved into or own landscape, indelible. This will be our memorial, our American tattoo.

you can experience those first-generation highways at their best if you go on RAGBRAI. who knows, perhaps this year's route is really a coded message from aliens of the planet nebali in a galaxy way, way, way...far away from here.

funny, we were just discussing tattoos last night.

That's it, we should all get a tatoo of a bicycle abandoned at the edge of an interstate. We can each choose a different interstate.

I call A1A from key West to Daytona.

don't take this the wrong way but your entries are so long i really want to read them but often i cannot for lack of time. sometime maybe you should put part of your thoughts on one entry, and then the rest of your thoughts on the next entry.

Tacy Jane people in Boston are just very deep and have time for intellectual pursuits, unlike you trite college students.

Actually, I can barely sit through this stuff myself.

ooh...I want in on this game too! I want to be one of the cool kids.

funke