Double Hamster on The Rocks

CHICAGO- Stephen Gardner, director of litigation for Center for Science in the Public Interest issued six injunctions this morning, banning local witch-based real estate agencies from advertising Gingerbread housing to families with children.

“For too long, members of the Wicca and Pastry communities have been promoting childhood obesity and poor dental health under a thin mask of ‘high fiber’ roofing and ‘sugar-substitute moulding’ claims” said Gardner, “as if it’s not bad enough that several gingerbread housing inspectors met an untimely demise to hyperglycemia last fall.”

Barbara Kideater, president of the Wicca Realty Association remarked that this is a heavy blow to the Gingerbread Housing Industry, which comes shortly after a slowdown in housing starts due to concerns over wheat allergies and carbohydrates. “First the Atkins Diet, and now this,” said Kideater, “I should just pack my bags up and go represent the lactose intolerant witches or the steamed vegetable witches... they haven’t closed a sale to a family in years.”

In other news, William Hung has agreed to represent Islamic Terrorist Group Hamas during its announced £100,000 rebranding campaign.