Double Hamster on The Rocks

Sailing was extremely popular at my college. It was the inverse of crew— universally disparaged as the theater major equivalent of a competitive sport. That concept may have been unique to SMC, which had a Bad News Bears version of a crew team until a friend of mine cleaned it up and obtained some funding for some rowing shells that did not seem to come with free tracksuits, big hair and gold aviator sunglasses.

I did very little sailing at college. Instead I spent most of my time learning to swim in the Chesapeake Bay. A window opened up between April and June, when the water was swimmable but not hazy with jellyfish. A similar window opened up in the fall, as the salinity shifted in the bay water, driving the jellyfish back into the ocean.

Today, I see more jellyfish at the Reliable Market in Union Square than I do in the ocean. I’ve purchased jellyfish before, in three pieces on a polystyrene platter bundled up in plastic wrap. I don’t think that I prepared it correctly. It’s not supposed to taste like some obscene cross between Swedish fish and wet socks.

Wet sock candy would be good though, so long as it did not taste like wet socks. I’m thinking more along the lines of fuzzy gummy worms. At one point (as I remember ‘cause I’m too lazy to check right now) the Jello company put out a whole set of different spider/ lizard/ centipede molds. The first version of these molds had lots of small pokey edges and tendrils. It was impossible to dig those Jello tendrils out of the mold. It was the Jello that you picked at with a fork.

I should make Jello and leave it out on the counter. I have a theory that Jello divides like an amoeba every five days. If you cut Jello in half by the light of a full moon it will replicate like a flatworm. Then it will grow hair and sharp fangs. It will be werewolf Jello but it will look like a fuzzy wet sock from a distance. It will also taste like Swedish fish.

Mmmm, Swedish fish.

Hoorah for Swedish fish!

Hoorah for Keri!